SPOILER WARNING: This article can and will spoil everything in Game of Thrones through the Season 5 finale, so if you aren’t caught up…
What a season finale! Despite the high-fantasy, medieval foundation upon which Game of Thrones is built, it’s been the political maneuvering, under-the-table dealings, and unexpected betrayals that have truly maintained the momentum of the show for the past five seasons. That may have all changed with the recent grateful undead party at Hardhome, but with at least two seasons remaining of HBO’s hit show, it’s hard to imagine the political wheeling and dealing to fully take a back seat.
For many characters in George R.R. Martin’s universe, playing the game of thrones comes naturally, while for others…
let’s just say they could use a helping hand. That’s where we come in.
With Westeros descending further and further into the proverbial pit of chaos, we’re here to provide the ladder. Although we could make this list a mile long – literally – below are a list of characters, both past and present, in need of a little public relations assistance.
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1) Public Relations Advice For Eddard Stark
PR Need: Media List
It seems so long ago that the apparent “hero” of the story was the good and honorable Ned. Perhaps Lord Stark would still have a head if he’d purchased a decent media list for spreading the news of Joffrey Baratheon’s true parentage. With proper advice, ravens would still have been sent to Stannis, but to Cersei and Littlefinger… most definitely not.
Sorry Ned, but with a proper media list you’d at least be only nearly headless.
2) Public Relations Advice For Daenerys Targaryen
PR Need: Press Release
It’s been two seasons and finally, Dany is leaving Mereen! Unfortunately, she isn’t headed anywhere remotely resembling Westeros. In fact, she seems to be moving even farther away.
Will the alleged “Queen of the Andals” ever cross the Narrow Sea and take back her rightful throne? Earlier this season, Tyrion brought up a good point: Are the people of Westeros aware of her existence and if so, will they even support her?
The Mother of Dragons is in dire need of a quality press release to alert the western world that not only does she exist, but she also has a track record for effectively supporting the common people. A headline including the phrase “three dragons” might also prove to be an effective media hook.
3) Public Relations Advice For Cersei Lannister (Or, Realistically, Anyone In This Story’s Universe)
PR Need: Reputation Management
Oh how the mighty have fallen. For someone who wields such power and control, Cersei may have one of the worst reputations in all of Westeros.
Despite being her best option, the Queen Regent would never have been forced to complete her walk of shame had she received proper reputation management. Although she likely would have refused it, conducting herself more like Margaery in both her public and private affairs may have saved Cersei much embarrassment.
Then again, perhaps not.
4) Public Relations Advice For Jon Snow
PR Need: Media Training
So is Jon Snow really dead? Could his stabbing have been avoided? We say yes (to the latter at least).
Despite his noble intentions, Lord Snow just couldn’t catch a break, much like his father. As tragic as his fate may be, Jon’s stabbing could easily have been avoided if he’d only had proper media training.
His initial pitch to his fellow brothers of the Night’s Watch to rescue the Wildlings at Hardhome was lackluster at best. In order to build confidence and support for his plan, Jon should have explained his reasons with greater clarity and urgency, and used better tact when speaking to such an important crowd.
With proper media training, we can all avoid running into our own version of Olly. Because truly, that kid is the worst.
5) Public Relations Advice For Stannis Baratheon
PR Need: New PR Firm/Analytics
Book-readers will stand firm, but as for the HBO show, Stannis is no longer the Mannis. In what may go down as the most gut-wrenching scene in the series, the sacrifice of his daughter Shireen to the Lord of Light was a turning point of the very worst sort for Stannis.
Despite the previous proven results behind Melisandre’s deplorable strategy for success, the ends don’t always justify the means. It looks to be too late, (who knows what happened with that camera cutaway) but Stannis would be better served looking for new guidance, fresher viewpoints and better tactics to help seat him on the Iron Throne, or at least make up for what he’s done. He needs a new PR firm.
6) Public Relations Advice For Sansa Stark
PR Need: Crisis Management
I challenge anyone reading this article to come up with a television character in recent memory that has suffered more humiliation, bad luck, or torment than Sansa’s Stark has in the last five seasons of Game of Thrones.
Of any remaining Stark, Sansa is the most deserving of a triumphant, if not happy ending. Right now Sansa could use a PR agency to offer proper crisis management advice, giving her the agency to weather the storm, make the right decisions, and come out victorious in the end.
7) Public Relations Advice For Petyr Baelish a.k.a. Littlefinger
PR Need: I Got Nothin’
This man is a fortress of information and strategic planning. However heinous his intentions may be, it’s impossible not to admire his skill.
Keeping doing you Littlefinger, keep doing you.
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